ITVNicola Sturgeon has described her arrest by police investigating the SNP’s finances as the worst day of her life.
Scotland’s former first minister says being questioned by officers as an experience she is not sure she “will ever get over” in an extract from her upcoming memoir published in The Times.
She also writes about rumours around her sexuality, which she describes as not being “binary”, the pain of suffering a miscarriage, and her regret and never bearing a child.
Sturgeon reveals that she was lying in bed at 7am when she realised police officers were in the house on the day her husband was arrested – April 5, 2023.
Her husband, the SNP’s former chief executive Peter Murrell, would be charged with embezzling party funds.
She says she was “in despair”.
Amid speculation that she would be arrested, she says: “I woke up at the crack of dawn every day, having barely slept, with my stomach in knots, wondering if this would be the day it happened.”
Sturgeon says the day the police announced there would be no further action against her was one of “deeply mixed emotions”.
“The feeling of relief, and release, was overwhelming,” she writes.
Rumours of affair with French ambassador
Scottish GovernmentSturgeon addresses rumours about her sexuality, including a baseless claim that she was having a “torrid lesbian affair” with the French ambassador to the UK.
“In one of the variants of the story, there had been a violent encounter between us, involving an iron, in Edinburgh’s Balmoral Hotel,” Sturgeon writes.
“We had also supposedly set up a love nest, in a house in Bridge of Allan, that I had bought from Andy Murray’s mum, Judy.”
The former SNP leader says she would normally have ignored such “wild stories” but this one had led to family, friends, neighbours and colleagues being questioned.
She describes “blatant homophobia” at the heart of story with those peddling it using “lesbian” and “gay” as insults.
Sturgeon writes that sexual relationships should be private matters, but does reveal a more complex opinion on sexuality.
“Long-term relationships with men have accounted for more than thirty years of my life, but I have never considered sexuality, my own included, to be binary,” she writes.
‘I felt guilty about being pregnant’
Getty ImagesSturgeon says that her husband of 15 years wanted to be a dad but that she had been more “ambivalent” about parenthood.
She writes of the expectation that an “uncontrollable biological urge” would kick in in her 30s – but it didn’t.
Sturgeon says she wanted to avoid regretting her decision and after they decided to try for a child, she became pregnant very quickly at 40 years old.
The then deputy first minister says she had conflicting feelings, including about the possible impact it would have on her political career.
“I felt guilty about being pregnant, about not feeling happier about being pregnant, about not being as happy as Peter was, about hiding that from him,” Sturgeon writes.
After announcing the pregnancy to their family on Christmas Day 2010, Sturgeon suffered a miscarriage on December 30, and the couple spent the morning of Hogmanay at the early pregnancy clinic at Glasgow Royal Infirmary.
“The nurse who did the scan was lovely. I didn’t really know what I was looking for on the screen, but her face told me what I needed to know. The baby was gone,” Sturgeon writes.
Sturgeon says she believes her child would have been a girl and they would have called her Isla.
She writes of her desire to turn back the clock and choose to have a child, but only if she was able to do the other things she has been able to achieve.
“But I do deeply regret not getting the chance to be Isla’s mum,” she writes.
“It might not make sense, but she feels real to me. And I know that I will mourn her for the rest of my life.”
Sturgeon’s memoir, Frankly, will be released on Thursday, August 14.
Her exclusive in-depth interview will be live on STV on Monday.
The former first minister of Scotland sat down for a wide-ranging conversation with News at Ten presenter Julie Etchingham.
Nicola Sturgeon: The Interview will be available live on STV and STV Player at 7pm on Monday, August 11.
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