'My husband was the life of the party, it was such a shock when he took his own life'

The wife of a dad-of-three who took his own life is determined to break the stigma surrounding suicide and build a positive future for her family.

Lisa Marshall’s husband Alan was, in her words, “the life of the party”.

But her world was turned upside down when police came to her door two years ago.

Alan, a 37-year-old dentist, died by suicide in March 2023.

Lisa, also a dentist, told STV News: “He was so funny, always joking with the kids – life was just so perfect for us.”

She recalled the day two police officers came to her door to deliver the devastating news.

“When I saw them, I knew something terrible had happened,” she said.

“I was hysterical on the floor. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I said, ‘no, it can’t be.’

“I couldn’t put two and two together. I’ll never forget it.”

Lisa and Alan with Henry, Matthew and Sophia. Lisa Marshall

Despite her grief, Lisa says she had to “snap back” into being a mum for her three children.

With support from the Reverend from her local church, she found ways to answer painful questions.

Lisa said: “My son Matthew kept asking when his dad would come home and I kept saying ‘he had an accident’.

“One night I had to say: ‘He’s dead, he’s not coming back.’ He would cry with so much pain you couldn’t console him. I just had to hold him until he fell asleep.

Alan was described as 'the life and soul' of the party — Alan was described as ‘the life and soul’ of the party STV News

“This went on for three months. He was four at the time, he couldn’t process it.

“But people have told me that children will take a long time to process death. It can be months down the line.”

Lisa was overwhelmed with support from friends, neighbours and colleagues who rallied around.

“People I hadn’t spoken to in ten years came to the door, bringing food and toys for the kids,” she said. “It was the worst time in my life but everybody was just so nice.”

Lisa says there were no clear signs that Alan had been struggling.

“I didn’t know he was in any pain,” she said. “I never had any intuition that something like this was going to happen.

“We searched for a note, but nothing. I’m never going to get answers. The only person who knows is dead.

“For a while I couldn’t even say the word ‘suicide’. I couldn’t even look at a picture of him.”

Lisa and Alan met on a night out in Glasgow with dentistry colleagues in 2011. They married five years later, going on to have three children together – Henry, Matthew and Sophia.

“He was always winding everyone up, he was so funny, he made me laugh,” said Lisa.

“He had so many friends, he was never off the phone.

“But people can still hide a very big struggle.”

Now Lisa is sharing her bereavement journey on TikTok in the hope of helping others.

“Social media is full of happy, perfect lives. I wanted to find someone in my position, but couldn’t.

“Now I get messages from people saying it helps them to see me living my life – that you can still get up, go on holidays, go out, and carry that sadness at the same time.”

Lisa attends a support group for people who have lost loved ones to suicide. STV News

Lisa has also found comfort in meeting others who have lost loved ones to suicide through a support group called “A Place Called Here”.

“Nothing has helped break that stigma more than meeting others who share that heartbreak,” she said.

For Lisa, life is now about showing her children that joy can exist alongside grief.

“I thought I’d be in my bed crying for years,” she said. “But my kids need a happy mum who will take them out and give them normal experiences.

“I always needed Alan, but I don’t have him anymore – I’ve had to find it in myself.

“I thought we’d grow old together. It just shows how fragile life is. I have to try for the kids and live our lives to the absolute fullest.”

‘It’s like a family – we laugh and we cry here’

A Place Called Here was founded by Natalie Dakhil and her husband Anton last November after Natalie’s dad Michael Byrne died by suicide in February aged 62.

They hold weekly face-to-face meetings in Glasgow.

Natalie said: “At first, we expected maybe five or six people – just a few who needed help but weren’t getting any. Now we’ve had around 30 people, and it’s been busy ever since.

A Place Called Here co-founder Natalie Dakhil. STV News

“That response really justified why we need to keep doing what we’re doing. It’s sad that it’s needed, but for Anton and me, it’s also been hugely beneficial.

“What we’ve built is a space where people can show up without a referral or being placed on a waiting list. With suicide loss, the reality is you need support right then and there. That’s what we’ve created here: a space with no barriers.

“You don’t have to book ahead. If you’re too anxious, you can just message us on social media or email. It takes a lot of courage to come here – many people have held onto their grief in silence for years.”

Members of the group say it’s like “a family”.

One of those is Frank Flannigan, who lost his daughter Chloe to suicide nine years ago.

Frank Flannigan describes group as 'a family' — Frank Flannigan describes group as ‘a family’ STV News

“I feel a difference coming here,” Frank told STV News. “It’s hard to put into words, but it gives me a good feeling.

“Some weeks it’s all tears, others it’s hilarious. We celebrate their lives, we all know each other’s family members. There’s nothing out there like this.”

Another attendee at the support group is Paul Owens, whose dad died 30 years ago.

“It ravaged my family,” Paul told STV News. “I needed someone to listen and be there emotionally.

“I’ve seen it many times with people coming here. I’ve watched them get strength from coming here. Their spirits are lifted.

“What’s spoken about here stays in here. We all understand each other’s pain.

“It’s alright to have a laugh and be happy – you don’t need to live in the misery forever.”

Mischa Lappin lost her dad ten years ago, when she was only eight.

“Growing up, I didn’t speak about it. I’d get choked up,” she said.

“It’s made a total difference now. I never thought I’d be sitting here, able to talk.

“Getting strength from other people – there’s nothing like speaking to someone who has been through the same as you.

“It’s a different kind of connection – it’s unmatched.”

Mum Ashleigh McNally lost her sister Chloe to suicide in 2017 and began coming to the group last November.

“As much as I was cut up, my life had to go on,” she said. “I had a young family and I was due to get married. I had to take care of my parents and daughter. I thought I was coping well, but coming to this group has helped me deal with all those years of grief.