Amanda Knox has told ITV News’ What You Need To Know podcast her children now reenact being “mummy in prison” in Italy, as she opened up on the challenges of parenting in the shadow of public suspicion.
In a deeply personal conversation with host Lucy Watson, the American also revealed she wants to visit Meredith Kercher’s grave and grieve with the Kercher family, who she has still never met.
And she explained how her release from prison after being exonerated for the British student’s 2007 murder in Perugia did not mark the end of her ordeal, but the beginning of a lifelong struggle to reclaim her identity and freedom.
On explaining her past to her children:
“I believe that to be the best parent that I can be, I need to be transparent and I need to be age appropriately honest. They are a bit little at the moment.
“So. I’m not going to talk to them about the gruesome details of this experience. Not just of what happened to Meredith, but also what happened to me; the really, really bad things that happened to me in prison or that have happened to me since, as a consequence of everything that happened.
“But what I can say is that ‘when mummy was young, mummy went to go study in a foreign country, and it was beautiful. And she made friends. And then out of the blue, someone hurt her friend really badly. And they thought mummy hurt her friend. And so they put mummy in jail. And then mummy had to prove that she was innocent, and she got out of prison and she’s gone on with her life. She met Papa, she had you, The End, basically.’”
On how her daughter now plays ‘mummy in prison’ games:
“At this point, it’s really simple because three-year-olds have the attention span that they have. But it’s been really interesting seeing her process that because to her stories are games. And she’ll now want to play ‘mummy goes to Italy with me’.
“So she’ll have me reenact being behind prison bars or she’ll pretend to be mummy. Like if we see a playground where they have the bars, she’ll be like, ‘oh look, I’m mummy in prison.’ She is processing the way children process things, which is through play.”
On life after prison:
“I discovered, upon being released from prison, that I did not get to go back to being an anonymous person, that I was forever branded the girl accused of murder. My very identity had become wrapped up and mixed together with the death of my friend.
“What does it mean to be free is something that I have spent my entire adult life contemplating, having had my freedom stolen from me.”
On not being able to speak to Meredith Kercher’s family:
“I’ve literally never had access to Meredith’s family, ever. I’ve never met them. They don’t know who I am, and they only know me through the worst context possible.
“However, what I will say is that it is not uncommon in cases of wrongful conviction for family members of the first and primary victim to hang on to this sense of assuming guilt of the exonerated person, thinking that they wouldn’t have been accused in the first place if they weren’t actually, you know, in some way guilty of something.
“But I think the other thing that Meredith’s family is grappling with is the fact that this case spiraled out of control very quickly and discerning the truth about what happened to Meredith very, very quickly became secondary to the scandalous narrative that was unfolding about the case and the vilification of me.
“And I think one of their complaints that I 100% agree with is that when people think of this case, they don’t remember Meredith’s name, they remember mine. They don’t even remember the murderer’s name, they remember mine. And if this case had been investigated and prosecuted and written about publicly properly, no one would ever know who I was. It 100% bothers me [some people still don’t think I’m innocent]. It very much bothers me.”
“The thing that I wish that I still had in my life was the opportunity to grieve her, to visit her grave and to grieve her and to share those moments with her family. And to share in that grief because I think, even more than me, a life defining tragedy happened to them.”
Asked what she would say to the family, she said:
“I want to grieve with you. And you know it’s not fair what happened. It’s not. And I understand why. It feels like you never got justice for her because you didn’t. And I care about that.”
Knox also addresses the lingering doubts about her innocence, the legal ambiguity that continues to fuel public scepticism and why Monica Lewinsky’s guidance has helped her to come to terms the media focus on her life.
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